News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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