Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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