U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
