I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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