omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
