About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
