I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
