she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
