I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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