it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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