Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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