8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
