Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Me too!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
