Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
