Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
