dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize