A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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