the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
