You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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