Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize