dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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