Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
