I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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