a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
