he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
