No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize