fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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