roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize