We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
