i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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