Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
