if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize