Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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