I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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