Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
