i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
