I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
