I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
