Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
