I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
