I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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