everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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