Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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