you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
