Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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