just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
