Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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