took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
