I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
