New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
