I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
