Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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