Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
