I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
