i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
