I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
