At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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