I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
