Please, let me fuck your mom
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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