The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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