I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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