Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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