He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Drunk is a universal language darling
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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