Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We need to get me chipped asap
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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