Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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