six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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