nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
